May 17, 2005. The end of another chapter of my life. Let me quote a text from someone who’ll be the topic of my entry today. "Anoder chapter s dne, tnxs 4 al d tyms u guys shard w/ m, i rli hd a gr8 tym dis yr. memories 4 kips. i’l b leavin on may 17th, c u on d nxt track"
We met somewhere in cyberspace, call it whatever you want, but we found out we came from the same school, different batches though. He was still in some other country that time, i somehow bugged him from time to time asking how’s he doing and stuff. I was in need of someone to talk to, though he wasn’t that eager to reply to my mails, i still value every effort he had made. Came September 2004, he announced he was coming back. Left his contact number which became our only means of communication. It was easier to contact and communicate with him then because now it’s just a text away. Sometime in September that same year was the very first time i met him, though we weren’t introduced and he didn’t knew that i was there and i saw him. It was enough for me to know that he does exist, and that world is indeed small, imagine i went with my high school friends to their "field trip" and there i learned that he had came back to school to finish his studies and it even turned out my friends and he were in the same course and classes. How small can the world be? In October was our second meeting, but again I was the only one who saw him. I just passed by him because i can’t go near him because my mom was with us, and you know how parents can be. So though i was the one who asked if he’s going to be there, i didn’t "show up" in a way. Third was when i had to ask him a favor, that was the first time we really met personally. Fourth was when i bought tickets from him for an event he was into. And fifth and the last was during the event itself. Of course we didn’t see each other then because he was a candidate then where he also won. Good for him! So, texting was the only thing that "bridges" us and though i felt that he was just obliged to reply to my every text, i didn’t mind. I just really was in need of someone to talk to, someone to know that i exist. I know it’s weird but, there’s nothing i can do. So months went by, i would text him quotes every now and then, sometimes he would do the same. There were also times i would text asking how’s he doing and stuff, he would most of the time reply to these, because of his good nature. That’s what i liked more about him. He would really make effort for people around him if he’d want to. Like the time when I asked for a favor from him, with not much doubt he agreed to help. So as time pass by, the longer i know him the more i learned to like the person. Whether he knew or not, i didn’t care. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But i guess people change or maybe i got too "makulit" for him, there were then less texts. I didn’t mind, but deep inside, it’s the other way around. It was also around those time when i just finished a pocketbook which a part of it really stuck me and made me changed my view regarding love. I wasn’t in love with anyone that time, but i guess with just having read the book, and feeling all alone, subconsciously my mind went to the only person i thought best fitted the whole concept of what i read. It was about loving not as an emotion but a commitment. That one must not love just because you feel "something" for that person because eventually that emotion would fade. On the other hand, take it as a commitment to that someone that you percieve as someone who fitted your concept of someone you could spend your time and life with and make that person as your loved one. It was rather weird but it made sense. So, with just myself knowing, i put him in that pedestal and even though I know he would never like me back the way i want him to, it was ok, what i thought then was I could change him with someone else if ever i met someone who was better than him. But for quite a time I just left him there, i had relationship with someone else but still i just left him there in his special place. But time came when I realized it will never work. Though how much i wanted the whole concept, I learned to accept the sad fact that i had to move on. Life won’t revolve around something you just read. And life patterns the way you want it to be. So I distanced from the person who caused my misery. He didn’t know anyway. Nobody did but myself. But now that he’s gone once again. I just felt I needed to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I don’t mind if anyone would read and know about it. I especially don’t mind if that person would know. It’s in the past now. I’m now starting a new chapter hoping it would have a better ending than the last one.
